#11: Buy better knives

I’ve learned a lot in the last 25 years — enough to convince me that I wasn’t as smart as I thought I was 25 years ago. It’s not that I didn’t know much, it’s just that I was wrong about so many things.

I wish I were as smart as I thought I was 25 years ago. I thought I had it all figured out. I used to share the knowledge that I just read in a book with not-so-subtle confidence. I cringe when I try to remember what I was like as a teenager and college student.

Now that I’ve had a chance to figure at least a few things out, I need to share some of the plain, practical lessons. Sure, the big stuff is important, but sometimes we miss the small lessons by focusing only on the big ones. Here are 13 that might seem simple but have really improved my life.

1. The Simple, Creative (and Free) Gift for My Wife

My wife demonstrated early in our relationship that she has a talent for giving thoughtful and perfect gifts. Her talent seemed even greater when compared with my own shortcomings. I was horrible. After a particular failure one Valentine’s Day — paper flowers are not a proper substitute for real ones — I decided to amaze her the following year. On February 15, I started a secret email account. Then I emailed the account daily for the next year. On the next Valentine’s Day, I gave her the email account and password — with over 300 personal notes, pictures, and stories.

That was a great gift. Feel free to steal.

2. Using the Same Gift for My Kids

My wife loved her secret email account so much that we decided to create email accounts for our kids. We plan to give them the email accounts when they each turn 18. It’s so fun to email the kids pictures, videos, and stories about each of them growing up.

3. Calendar Yearly Gifts

Speaking of gifts, I’ve improved. I’ve learned that I need to put every regular gift in my calendar so that I don’t forget. I know there are at least five times each year that I need to have a gift for my wife. I keep a list of possible gift ideas and save them for when I need them.

I’ve learned that just remembering a special day for someone is much more important than what I actually give. Yes, it’s the thought that counts.

4. The Golden Rule for Creators: Buy Their Stuff

I’ve heard many people share this principle, and I’ve followed it for decades: don’t have a budget for books. If I want to read a book now or might want to in the future, then I buy the book.

I’ve also expanded this one a bit though: If someone I know writes a book, then I buy it. It doesn’t even matter what the book is about or if I may never even read it. The same rule applies for anyone creative that I know. I buy their stuff. It’s my way of supporting people I know and respect. It’s also how I would want to be treated by people who know me. It’s the golden rule for creators. And it’s improved my life radically.

I actually followed this principle for a local filmmaker around 15 years ago. I discovered a filmmaker in my hometown and I wanted to support him. I bought all of his movies for around $80. He was so grateful that he reached out to me and we eventually became friends. When I graduated from law school, he was my first film client. And he helped connect me with the great group of people who I produce movies with now. He even made me a featured extra in his last movie. I wouldn’t be a film producer without him. And I wouldn’t have met him without first supporting his work.

A few years ago, I met a woman who was publishing a book, Eevi Jones. I had no interest in the book topic, but I bought the book anyway. It’s the golden rule for creators. I wanted to support her. What was the book about?

How to self-publish a children’s book

When I had the idea years later to publish my own children’s book, she remembered that I bought her book and agreed to help me with my own book. My own books CinderToot and SantaToot would not exist if I didn’t have her help. And I doubt she would have helped me as much as she did if I didn’t support her with her book.

The golden rule for creators is simple but will radically change your life.

5. Consistency Before Intensity

I love people who are intense. I love becoming obsessed with a topic and digging deep. But I’ve learned that intensity without consistency rarely works. It’s a recipe for disappointment. There’s truth in the fable of the tortoise and the hare. One of the most popular articles I’ve ever written is about being consistent. Consistency, first. Then, intensity.

6. Building the List

There is extreme value in making a list of everyone you know, updating it often, and then staying in touch with as many as you can. The sooner you realize this, the stronger your relationships will be. I started doing this later than I would have liked. But I do it now. If you think it’s too much work, use software that makes it simple and nearly effortless. That’s what I do.

A few years ago, I heard Harvey Mackay recommend doing the same thing. Here’s the important part: you should do it before you will need the list and the relationships. The best relationships are built 20 years before you need them. The only way to have great relationships in 20 years is to start building them now.

Make the list and keep building it.

7. Handwritten Notes

Now that email and social media have taken over our lives, receiving regular mail is one of life’s great, unexpected pleasures. A simple, handwritten note can leave a lasting impression. I once bought an online course, and the instructor sent a handwritten note thanking me for joining. It was memorable because so few people take the time to do it. I try to send handwritten notes during times of joy and also sorrow. I like to help people celebrate milestones and also let them know that I care when life may be hard.

Write handwritten notes. It’s not scalable, but that’s why it works. The practice is simple, practical, and effective.

8. Memorize a Few Good Jokes

Most people love a well-timed and proper joke. Some people are natural joke-tellers. They remember every new joke they hear and promptly share them at every opportunity. I’m not that way. I struggle to remember any joke. Years ago, I decided to memorize a few good jokes that I could share when needed.

Here’s one that I use every time a friend tells me that his wife is pregnant. I look him in the eye, put my hand on his shoulder, and then say, “As your friend, I just want to say thank you for letting me know personally. I care about you, and I will search the globe to find the man who did this to your wife.” It’s silly, fun, and usually gets a laugh. Everyone loves someone who brings humor to the conversation.

9. People Don’t Know Who You Are Unless You Show Them

There’s often a disconnect between how we view ourselves and how other people see us. A few years ago, I helped out someone who knew one of my colleagues. Eventually, my colleague found out about what I did and sent me a note. In the note, she said that even though we had worked together for years, she had no idea that I was so nice.

I remember being surprised after reading the note. How could she not know I was nice? We had worked together for over five years. I had been blind, though. She didn’t know I was nice because I had never done anything nice for her.

If you’re kind, you need to be kind. If you’re smart, you need to make smart decisions. If you’re honest, you need to demonstrate honesty. It’s not enough to think you have a quality. You have to prove it. People don’t know who you are until you show them.

10. Learn to Cook

“If you like to eat, you have to learn to cook,” my mother always says. Cooking is not for everyone. But I love Robert Rodriguez’s advice: learn to cook a few dishes really well. Cook them repeatedly. Keep making them until you make them better than anyone else.

My own cooking skill has improved over the years. I created my own menu for my house. I even have a password-protected secret menu that is only for people who come to my place. People want to come over just for the food and drinks. And no, you can’t have the password. You have to visit.

11. Buy Better Knives

If you spend any time in a kitchen, buy better knives. Your life changes once you have a sharper knife. You start to wonder why you’ve been wasting your life cutting with dull, blunt steel. Cooking is easier. It’s safer, too.

I often give a great cooking blade as a gift. I always leave a note as well, which explains why the gift is important:

Never forget that great tools can change your life.

12. Make Your Kids Proud

I would write 1,000 more books to see the look in my eight-year-old daughter’s eyes when she opened up our first book and saw her name on the dedication page. I’ve no written two children’s books with my children, and CinderToot was the first one. My daughter opened our very first copy and started reading the dedication page. When she read her own name, she almost cried and then a huge smile overtook her face. Here’s what it said:

To Maxwell, Ella, Esme, and Jemma,

Who heard this story a hundred times,

and who begged me to share it with you

I had reached the pinnacle of cool dad status by writing a children’s book with my kids. The three older kids couldn’t wait to tell their classmates and teachers about their own book.

Do something that will make your kids proud. Even if you don’t have kids, do something that would make the people around you proud. It’s worth every hard moment.

13. The Way to Be Happy

When I focus on just making myself happy, it rarely works. When I focus on making someone else happy, we both end up happy. Simple, but true.

Sometimes the plain, practical lessons help us more than anything else.

. . .

Learn the one lesson that has changed my life more than any other.