The Skill of Obsession
How to use it, master it, and not let it ruin you
There’s one trait that can lead to amazing performances. It’s a trait that many admire, but also many fear. The trait creates a singular focus that cannot be broken until an aim is reached. It makes the holder impervious to both pain and pleasure. It can result in brilliant works but also broken people.
Obsession.
Obsession can be intoxicating. It can create power. If you can harness and use it, it’s invaluable. And it’s not just a trait. It’s a skill.
The Skill That Leads to Greatness
Kobe Bryant told the following story to a journalist, after being asked about his own arrogance and detractors:
“I was at a Gold’s Gym in 1998 and lifting weights. And I get a phone call: Michael Jackson’s on the other line… what the hell is going on? Somebody is playing… He’s a big basketball fan. And I was starting to get flak for being an introvert and being so serious all the time about the game, and he wanted to call and give me encouragement and say:
Don’t change for them. You have to stay focused. If you want to be one of the all-time greats, you have to study the all-time greats. You have to be obsessive about what you do and how you do it.
In the summertime, I would just disappear because I’d be studying. I’d be researching. I’d be studying, researching what the game is. Chicago won another championship. How, why? How do we get to that level?”
Michael Jackson, one of the greatest performers of all-time, called a young Kobe Bryant, to encourage him to stay obsessed with his craft. Maybe Michael Jackson was a Lakers fan and wanted to see his team win. Or maybe Michael Jackson wanted to reach out and share with a younger mind part of what made him great.
“Be obsessive about what you do and how you do it.”
Keep Working Until It’s Great
“When you’re starting out, just try to get five minutes of good material, then work on it and work on it until you think it’s great.”
— Rodney Dangerfield
Dangerfield had started his career in comedy and show business early in life but quit at age 28. For the next 13 years, he sold aluminum siding. But Rodney couldn’t shake the call of the stage. In his 40s, he started performing standup comedy while he was still working as a salesman. Because he was older, he had to compete with the best young comedians of the 1960s.
When Rodney Dangerfield had a chance to go on the Tonight Show, he couldn’t be good. He had to be perfect. Here’s what he said about the process.
Counting my stand-up routine and my “conversation” with Jay [Leno, at the time], I need about 30 new jokes. That means I have to write about 100 new jokes. Then, to know which jokes get the best laughs, I go to a local comedy club… and try them out.
After I have about 30 new jokes I like, I have to put them in some kind of order — create some flow, some continuity. I call that stringing them together into my joke necklace — they have to be in the right order to work. I have to string together about 10 jokes for my stand-up bit and another 20 for my “chat” with Jay afterward. It takes many hours and hours of work at home and many nights onstage to get a Tonight Show routine the way I want it.
Hidden in the short description is the skill of obsession. First, he wrote 100 jokes, which certainly isn’t easy. Then, we would tell the jokes on stage to see which jokes made people laugh.
Implied in this step is an important, but subtle aspect of obsession: sometimes Rodney Dangerfield wasn’t Rodney Dangerfield — he wasn’t funny. Some of his jokes didn’t make anyone laugh, or they were not as funny as they could be. Some jokes could be better. Sometimes a different order would make a joke better. But there was no way for him to know which jokes worked and which didn’t without rigorously and systematically testing them all — in front of people. He was willing to not be his best in order to get to his best.
And the process for figuring out the best jokes involved hundreds of hours of work, in private and in front of people. Rodney Dangerfield went through a period of not being funny in order to the point where he was hilarious — almost unbelievably funny. In short, he was obsessed with a perfect performance in front of Johnny Carson and then later Jay Leno.
Rodney Dangerfield had mastered the skill of obsession. Even though Rodney had been on the Tonight Show dozens of times, he knew that each time he made an appearance, his influence and reputation grew — even if he only performed for five minutes. That’s why he became obsessed with delivering a perfect performance.
Unhealthy Obsession
Obsession, though, can lead to unhealthy outcomes. Like abuse. Like neglect. Like hurting loved ones.
My dad used to say that an educated man is one who can acquire anything he wants without violating the rights of others.
It’s easy to focus on the idea of acquiring anything that we want. But I find it’s also easy to miss the second part of my dad’s advice: without violating the rights of others.
What good is it, if you get what you want — or rather you obtain the object of your obsession — but you hurt other people in the process?
It’s not good at all.
It’s not enough to have an obsession. There has to be more than just complete, unfettered focus with disdain for anything and everything else.
But if obsession can be harnessed as a skill, then it can be wielded with care and precision.
How to Master the Skill of Obsession
I once heard Brian Tracy claim that he made the best Caesar Salad in an auditorium of 10,000 people. At first, his claim seemed unbelievable. He wasn’t even a trained chef. But then he explained what he meant — he had years constantly improving his own recipe until it was the absolute best.
He started off with an old recipe.
Then he learned how to perfectly pick Romaine lettuce.
Then he learned how to perfectly wash and clean the lettuce.
Then he learned how to dry the lettuce so it had the perfect texture.
Then he learned which ingredients to use for the best flavor.
Then he learned how to select the best, freshest ingredients — and where to buy them.
Then he focused on the dressing. He tried different types of dressings: without anchovies, then with anchovies, then different kinds of anchovies, then the best tasting ones, and then all types of ingredients to make the best tasting dressing.
Then he tried different portions, and even different bowls and platters — the perfect taste started with perfect presentation.
He tweaked and constantly improved each step of his recipe — for years — until he had arrived at his perfect recipe.
And he wasn’t done improving — even after years of research and experimentation.
After listening to Brian Tracy’s efforts, I became convinced that he probably did make the best Caesar Salad in the room — even though we were in a stadium with thousands of people.
Brian Tracy wasn’t just sharing his recipe for Caesar Salad — he was sharing something else. He was sharing how an obsession for making the best Caesar Salad led to his desired end.
I once heard famed barbecue expert Aaron Franklin discuss how he learned to make amazing brisket. He shared advice similar to Brian Tracy, but added one extra layer: only change one thing at a time. If you change more than one part, you won’t know how the changes affected the outcome.
Nonetheless, healthy obsession works exactly like Brian Tracy’s Caesar Salad evolution.
Start somewhere (anywhere, really)
Pick one thing to improve
Improve that one thing until you can’t make it any better
Then pick something else to improve
And improve that until you can’t make it any better
Repeat until satisfied
The Dangerous Road
Obsession is a trait of high achievers, but also broken people. It’s easy to idolize those who achieve rare feats, but it’s also easy to overlook the obsession that must be used and tamed to reach certain heights.
In the end, then, obsession is a skill. An uncommon skill, yes, but also one that can be learned, carefully used, and mastered.
The skill of obsession — learn and use it with care.
. . .
Learn the one lesson that has changed my life more than any other.