Three Worthless Thoughts to Avoid
And how to replace them
“If I eat just one of the Little Debbie Swiss Cake Rolls, it won’t affect me.”
How many times have I had that thought? Too many.
I’ve had other thoughts, of course, that aren’t productive. We all have thoughts that don’t help us at all. So why do our own minds betray us?
In the race of thoughts inside my own head, there are three that not only lead to a dead-end, but somehow lead to a circular track of doom that is impossible to leave.
Impossible that is, unless I replace them. Replacement is a subtle sleight-of-mind that accepts the premise — that something is off — but doesn’t accept the conclusion that my brain is force-feeding me.
Here are three unproductive thoughts to avoid this year.
1. “Other People Have It Easier”
Most people compare themselves to other people. It’s human nature. And most of the time, that comparison is not healthy.
Other people have it easier.
Other people don’t have to work as hard. Other people don’t have to deal with what I do. If only I were him, my life would be easier. If only I were like her, I wouldn’t have to struggle. They’re all the same.
Does someone else actually have an easier life? Yes, it’s possible. But the truth is that it doesn’t matter, and you don’t know for sure. Whenever I start to dig into someone else’s life, I discover that most other people don’t have it easier. They just have different problems — problems that I wouldn’t want.
We need to ditch the “other people have it easier” thought as soon as we recognize it. Here’s one thought to replace it with:
“Easy or hard is relative. All that matters is what is in front of me.”
If you focus on the one problem in front of you, then it won’t matter how other people’s problems are because you’ll have to focus so much on your own.
2. I Deserve
We all want to be treated well. But all of us have been treated poorly at some point, and most of us are hurting in some way. It’s easy to feel like we don’t have what we think we should.
I deserve it.
I deserve better. I don’t deserve this. I should have it. People should treat me differently. They’re all variations on a theme.
The truth is that we probably do deserve better. But that doesn’t make it real and it certainly doesn’t lead to getting what we want.
When we say “I deserve” to ourselves, we only focus on who we are and why our life should be different. We’re focused on how other people are treating us or what other people are giving us. I’ve found that it’s far more effective to say something else.
I’ve earned.
When I replace “I deserve” with “I’ve earned”, my focus shifts. I start thinking about what I’ve done — and sometimes haven’t done — to get where I am. It pushes you to accept responsibility for your future rather than waiting for someone else to treat you well. My own thinking shifts from what I believe I should have to what I can actually do about a problem. I’ve found it far healthier to focus on what I can do rather than what I think I should have.
3. Complaints Without Solutions
It is so easy to complain. It is so simple to criticize. It isn’t hard to find what’s wrong.
Complaints without solutions.
There are lots of ways this type of thought pops up. Frustration, expressed through emotion. Anger, about the same problem over and over again.
The problem is that everyone wants to do the easy work, so no one ends up doing what’s hard. It’s hard to accept responsibility for a problem we didn’t create.
Yes, it’s true that most problems aren’t our fault. But it’s also true that we will suffer if we never actually solve those problems. Whenever I start to complain, I try to replace those thoughts with a question.
What can I do about the problem?
When we ask what we can do, we start to think about the future instead of the past. Our complaint changes from a way to express bitterness to a way to serve someone else. We begin to see how a problem is not a trap that ensnares us, but rather an opportunity for brilliance.
You’re Never Stuck
I am stuck.
That may be the biggest lie that we can tell ourselves. And that lie often follows after the three thoughts I’ve shared above.
So instead of saying:
Other people have it easier…
Or
I deserve…
Or
Complaining…
Focus on what’s right ahead, focus on what we’ve actually done, and take responsibility for what we can do right now.